Welcome to Turner Land. Enjoy your stay.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Where's the winter wonderland?

So I have been in the north now for a week. AND WHERE IS THE WINTER? It is supposed to be freezing cold, snowy, slushy, icy, and MISERABLE. That's why I visit here. I get in touch with my northern eskimo-esque roots and "love" the weather for the week or so I'm here and return to the coolness of the coast.

It has tried to flake once. It has been 40 degrees. And the sun has been out. WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?

It is a tragedy of the utmost proportions. Michigan is supposed to be cloudy, gray, and crappy. It has been the opposite, thus throwing off my chi.

Other than the messed up "winter," it has been nice to chill (no pun intended) with the fam and enjoy the holiday season. I don't miss the trashiness of Flinttown inhabitants. I do enjoy hearing the Canadian pirate accents. Shiver me timbers is coming back, just in case you didn't know.

Note to self: There is NOTHING better than sitting on your hind-parts all day while eating and watching movies.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Taste the Rainbow.

I was at the salon getting my hair did today and I couldn't help but overhear the two receptionist women conversing about their most recent vacations. The brunette was sharing info about her roadtrip (I'm not sure where they were in the US). She mentioned that she and her hubby were driving along and saw a rainbow, then their car shook violently and unexpectedly. She explains further that she and her husband had driven to the end of the rainbow and the electrical fields at the end of the rainbow shook her car.

Whoa whoa whoa...wait. Electrical fields? Apparently she missed the day in 2nd grade where one learns about what makes a rainbow. Perhaps she's never read the best story ever, The Rainbow Goblins, where you learn about where rainbows come from hypothetically. Or maybe she's never eaten Lucky Charms or seen a Skittles commercial!! Are you serious?

Maybe these electrical fields are next to the raisin fields that Billy's students reference in their work.

Note to self: Hot tubs are necessary after a week like this.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Capital Punishment.

Here are some nuggets of wisdom from the stupendous fans at the Caps vs Penguins game from yesterday:
  • "You can't win if you're down 4-1." Obviously this Captain Obvious found his information from the "No sh*t Sherlock" file. I feel that this doesn't even warrant a comment.
  • "They need to score!" Really? That's the problem? Why don't you march down the 400 stairs and let the coach know. That'll solve it.
  • It's very VERY important to substitute the opposing team's info into home team cheers. For example, c-a-p-s becomes p-e-n-s...otherwise your street cred is shot. The MORE cheers you're able to sabotage, it becomes "easier" for your team to win.

Note to self: Give someone a "security" uniform and they'll become the Great Wall of China if you're trying to get to your seat. Fingerprints, retinal scan, and blood-typing are possible substitutes for your ticket.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Brookstone and WeedHead

AKA another day of holiday shopping with the girls. Here are some observations from a day of hilarity with said chicas:
  • Has anyone been to Brookstone lately? They are apparently now in the sex toy business by way of a core workout machine. This machine is on display in the front of the store and is a fan favorite of passers-by. The machine rivals a mechanical bull...and creates these responses from my friends: I want it to go faster! It really does work my abs. You've GOTTA try this thing. (insert porn-esque facial expressions here)
  • I also find it disturbing how or why parents would allow their CHILDREN on this machine, especially the little girls. And who could forget the birthday girl who kept pushing her friends away to get "another ride."
  • Beverage of the day: Pomegranate Juice Blend. Just ask Mitchell, who CHANGED HER ORDER at Starbucks. I have to admit, I didn't know they allowed anyone to change their order once you've passed the "order here" sign.
  • Best buy of the day: Tshirts at the Gap for $1.97. It's so retro to have prices throwback like Walmart but with Gap "quality."
  • Did you know that Yin Yankee (the supreme sushi restaurant) has forks? I didn't since they're never on the table and the waitstaff never offer them. Except to Mitchell tonight. She can't use her chopsticks, despite several tutorial sessions pre-calamari with me...and we were joking about how she should bring a fork. Then the waiter brought her a fork and I think I hit Sara with a projectile piece of rice from laughing at her.
  • Post-dinner we HAD to top it all off with my two favorite men: Ben & Jerry. We make our way toward the glassed-in area of the shop to look at our choices when Mitchell sees that there are also some very phallic, chocolate-covered frozen bananas. Of course, this channels us back to the Brookstone moment from earlier and we laugh loudly, causing an immature scene at the previously quiet ice cream shop.
  • Casey called herself a "weedhead"...you can only imagine what she was trying to say.

Note to self: What is it with people who take forever to put their money back into their wallets post-purchase? Shove it in there and fix it later you anal-retentive freaks! Do they not realize how much they hold up the line?

Saturday, December 09, 2006


How do people get along without being able to drive?

I know some aren't allowed to drive due to medical reasons, but other than those few, how do the non-drivers live? I was without a vehicle (thanks Adam!) for 2 days and I thought I was gonna die. Well, perhaps that's a little extreme, but the lack of freedom and mobility was killer. No errand-running. No quick trips here and there. It was go-to-school and tagalong to wherever chauffer Bol needed to go.

In a big city, public transportation or good ol' fashioned walking can suffice when one is without a vehicle. In fact, I know some city mice that don't even own a car. But how do those in the suburbs or farm land do it? And NO, tractors don't count as transportation.

Needless to say, I'm happy to be back behind the wheel again...free to roam the interesting lands of the mall and downtown shops.

Note to self: I can't stand stupid people. Thanks for the 12%. How many more days 'til vaycay?

Friday, December 01, 2006

Guest appearances.

The Bol and I went for a little Lebanese Taverna and hit up "For Your Consideration" tonight...the latest Christopher Guest mockumentary.

The movie is a behind-the-scenes look at a crazy group of actors making a movie whilst the buzz of Oscars makes its way around the set. It wasn't as good as "Best in Show," but was still good for a few laughs. Parker Posey is awesome and I love the air-head blonde. Bol and I returned home, sufficiently chilly from this crazy weather, to find that "The Princess Bride" is on tv! My all-time fave, which has Christopher Guest as the 6-fingered man. It makes me have a whole new appreciation for this comic genius.

And yes, I can still quote the ENTIRE movie without mistakes. And YES, I am proud to admit my nerdiness.

Note to self: "It smells like butter." Hmmm. Why isn't there butter-scented air freshener? Wouldn't that make people feel like they're in a theater? Or do people not enjoy the scent of a theater?
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