Welcome to Turner Land. Enjoy your stay.

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Turner Driving School, Day 2.

Welcome to Day 2 of the Turner Driving School. Day 1 involved the imperative lessons on driving in the snow and ice. Today, we'll discuss the "school area" speed limits.

Just to make sure we're all on the same page, a "school area" is designated by the speed limit sign with the yellow flashing lights that will illuminate when it is time to drive the slower speed because of beginning/ending times of the school day.

Need I repeat YELLOW FLASHING LIGHTS. That's right everyone; the LIGHTS WILL FLASH when it is necessary to drive the 25 or 35 mph speed limit to ensure the safety of the angels beginning or ending their day at school. If lights are not flashing, then the normal speed limit applies to this area.

Is this hard to understand?? No. If you are confused, please give me your KEYS because you don't deserve your suped-Civic with NOS anyway.

Note to self: T minus 2 days 'til I'm DONE "teaching" my students. Can I get a witness?

Monday, June 04, 2007


Last week was quite the whirlwind of pre, during, and post graduation activities. Here's the hit list...of Project Grad which I FINALLY got to chaperone. Here's what I learned.

1. Gotta love the 1.5 hour nap from 8:30 pm til 10 pm. I woke up completely disoriented...and craving breakfast and coffee. Thank goodness for Sams making a pot of Folgers...with chocolate syrup.

2. I got the "enthusiastic" bus. Bus #5 full of all the kids who thought that singing all the way up to DC was a grrrrrrrrrrrrrreat idea. The best part was that they started the kareoke fest with Ginuine's "Pony," a song that surely was not out when they were born. Nothing like off-key singing of various hip-hop and go-go hits at 11:30 pm.

3. Then some dumb ass lit a cigarette on the bus. When I stood up to search, I could see the whites in their dark little eyes and could hear a pin drop (thank goodness they stopped singing). What kind of retard thinks I wouldn't smell that??

4. The boat ride up and down the Potomac was fine. Great weather. Perfect for sitting outside on the deck and admiring the sights of Virginia and DC. Also a fabulous place to escape the "CC" representin going on the dance floor.

5. On the way back, my "enthusiastic" bus #5 believed that playing "Yo Momma" all the way (mind you it is about 3 am) was the most fabulous way to end this magical evening.

6. The only thing that interrupted the stupendous Yo Momma game was their keen idea of hanging out the bus and yelling at the police drug bust in progress. Seriously. This is what happens when idiotic "hick rats" are taken out of their little safe haven and placed in an area where real crimes happen. They do something dumb. I'm still shocked that the police didn't chase us down in our big cheese bus.

7. 4 am arrives and sees us back at the school for breakfast. I don't remember much from this period of time due to my exhaustion. But when I woke up at 11:30 am on Friday I was the happiest person alive since I WASN'T AT SCHOOL!!

Note to self: Never, EVER, be a senior class sponsor again. Project Grad really isn't worth the pain in the patootie.
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