Welcome to Turner Land. Enjoy your stay.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

If it ain't broke, it ain't mine.

I'm living in technological hell.

  • My camera was (and is no longer) broken. Stupid campers.
  • My hard drive DIED. 4 trips to the Geek Squad later, I have a new hard drive, NONE of my old files, and now I get to redo EVERYTHING.
  • My car lighter isn't working anymore, which is totally lame since now I can't charge my phone OR my iPod while driving.
  • AND today, my left front headlight went out.
It all started with the tv. What's next...WAIT...I retract the question. I don't want to know.

Note to self: Service plans rule. Double days are OVER. I love food and sleep...and a little bit of Greek time.

Friday, August 10, 2007


5 miles to the Wilson Bridge. That's what the sign said as Schneeb and I rolled to a stop on my favoritist of roads, The Beltway. 5 miles. 5 measly little miles.

5 miles that took us 45 minutes to cross over the bridge. That's right folks. 45 minutes of rolling at 2 mph, stopping, cursing, lane changing, stopping, cursing, shifting in the seat, cursing, etc.

This leads to Turner's School of Driving rule #95634: (and aptly put by Schneeb) The Bridge is the same width as the road so you DO NOT HAVE TO SLOW DOWN TO CROSS IT.

And draws a reference to rule #4: Pass on the LEFT you psychotic idiots. If you can't hang with the big dawgs in the left lane, resign yourself to that fact that you are a tortoise and join your flock in the right lane.

Note to self: Never work in DC because your road rage will cause harm to yourself and others. Stay clear of the Beltway and anything with a 4, 9, or 5 in the title from the hours of 4-6 pm.

Thursday, August 09, 2007

And now a word from our sponsors...

To summarize today's McC shopping extravaganza, in straight-up Sesame Street style, today's blog has been sponsored by: pants, the number 3, and the Visa Gold Card (cause Visa is everywhere you want to be).

Pants: McC needed "work pants" and we made a VERY big step today. That's right. McCandless has joined the 21st century style SANS PLEAT. Yes ladies and gents, McC is now the proud owner of non-pleated, no wrinkle, fade-resistant khaki pants. (insert round of applause here) It has taken me 5 years, but it paid off. They look good Brian.

The number 3: This was the magic number of the day. Brian has 3 pairs of new pants. We only had to go to 3 stores to find them. I bought 3 bags of things. We were done shopping after 3 hours. We waited 3 years for our drinks at Chevys. We watched 300 this afternoon. Maggie McG is turning 3 (a very cute 3 at that) very soon. I could go on, but I'll stop.

And the Visa Gold Card: Visa paid for everything today. Now, it would truly be a miracle if we could get the bill to disappear.

Note to self: Liam loves to jam, eat lemons, and knock over water. Maggie loves to share ice cream cones, play dominos, and give herself a black eye. I loved every second of their awesomeness at dinner tonight....especially the qt with Bill, Sue, and Brian.

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Words of Wisdom.

I’m guessing it was the Chinese who decided that people needed bits of wisdom and inspiration from their food. I mean really. Do we really like fortune cookies or are we really after the advice on the inside?

And many other companies have jumped on the “food for thought” bandwagon. Laffy Taffy has jokes. Starbucks has “fun facts” on the sides of the cups. And Dove Chocolate puts little nuggets of zest on the inside of the wrapper.

So here’s what I really want to know: how does one become a writer of these juicy pieces of worldly knowledge? Here are the nuggets of zest from this morning’s sugar rush:
“Go to your special place.”
“When two hearts race, both win.”
“Smile. People will wonder what you’ve been up to.”
“Keep the promises you make yourself.”

Do they post in the local paper? I can only imagine what the job description would read. “Are you full of useless knowledge? Can you predict the future? Can you write a wonderfully-crafted, vague sentence that can provey earth-shattering wisdom upon the chocolate eater?”

Note to self: Never underestimate the power of a $70 train ticket and a whole day of peppering with Baby Sister. Or the right phone call on a long drive home.

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